


Of Course You Matter

by CoolC17



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Complete, M/M, Namelessshipping, originalshipping - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2018-12-14 09:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11779860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoolC17/pseuds/CoolC17
Summary: Years ago, pokemon trainer and Kanto champion Red vanished without a trace.Today, esteemed pokemon trainer and Kanto gym leader Blue Oak decides to climb Mt. Silver.





	1. Chapter 1

Blue was already starting to regret climbing Mt. Silver. 

He had expected it to be cold, obviously. The mountain was known for its icy terrain. Maybe he'd just come on one of the mountain's worst days.

At this temperature, it felt like a full on blizzard, although it wasn't. However it was impossible to not acknowledge the whipping winds and freezing snow flurry that felt as if they were assaulting him. Even with the parka he'd had the foresight to put on, he found himself wishing he'd invested in a full on snow suit. His arms were wrapped tightly around his body, his teeth chattering as he climbed the mountain path.

It wasn't as if he chose this particular exploration to torture himself, he was hardly a masochist. He came to Mt. Silver because there were rumors going around Johto about how this mountain was full of rare pokemon. Hardly anybody ever ventured here (it was obvious why), but when they did, it seemed everybody came back with scars and magnificent stories about rare or even legendary pokemon they'd seen on the mountain.

Blue wasn't sure how many of those stories he'd actually believed. However, what with all the fuss about the mountain, he felt almost obligated as one of Kanto's top trainers to check it out.

Deciding to just suck it up, Blue continued scaling the mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short 


	2. Chapter 2

Blue had finally reached what appeared to be a halfway decent resting spot about halfway up the mountain. A small cave in the side of the mountain; cold, damp, and icy, but at least it was a shelter from the harsh wind and snow.

Just as he was stepping into the cave, something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Something large, red, and flying.

A charizard.

Blue had to stare at the unusual sight for a moment as the Pokémon disappeared, landing in a heavily wooded part of the mountain near the top.

 _A charizard is hardly a legendary pokemon, but it's definitely rare._ Blue thought, trying to catch a second glimpse of the flying pokemon, but it was gone from his sight.

This is the kind of thing that people were talking about. Finding a charizard or even a charmander in the wild was practically unheard of. Not to mention the dragon-like pokemon was exceedingly strong. Blue wondered if the other pokemon residents of the mountain were of the same caliber as the charizard. If so, climbing up the freezing mountain was totally worth it in his opinion.

With refreshed spirit but not energy, Blue grinned and collapsed tiredly into the cave. Blue was still thinking about the Charizard that he saw when another Charizard he had once known crossed his mind.

As his trail of thought continued, Blue visibly flinched. He tried not to think of Red all that much these days. It made him feel sad, angry, confused, and guilty all at once.

Not long after completing the pokemon league and capturing the one-of-a-kind, science experiment born pokemon Mewtwo, Red seemed to have vanished into thin air.

The last anyone had seen of him was at his only congratulatory party. For becoming champion, for completing the Pokedex, for capturing the uncapturable. He seemed quiet during the gathering, but that wasn't anything rare. Ever since he was a kid, Red barely ever spoke. But that night he seemed even more quiet then usual.

Blue had had the urge to go and say something to him, ask him what was wrong, he should've been happy, right? After all, the party was for him.

But Blue, cocky, grudge-holding Blue had held himself back. Despite Red being his childhood friend, he was still frustrated that the other boy had seemingly one-upped him at everything. He'd beaten Blue at every fight. He'd managed to capture the final pokemon to fill the dex. He'd kicked Blue out of his position as champion after less than an hour of him holding the title.

And it seemed Red didn't even care. The slightly older boy was always so quiet, so self-contained and seemingly innocent but determined, he didn't even bat an eye at the dozens of people who congratulated him on his accomplishments. 

And Blue hated him for it.

He'd worked so hard towards everything that Red had accomplished without even trying. Worked towards gaining the approval and pride of his grandfather. Of completing the Pokedex. Of earning the admiration of thousands of people by sitting in the champions seat.

Blue didn't realize at the time that he wasn't angry at Red, he was angry at himself.

And so Blue never talked to Red that night. He didn't realize it would be his last chance.

Nobody was sure what had happened to him at first. Maybe he'd simply left to continue his journey without feeling the need to tell anyone, maybe he'd been kidnapped by the leftover supporters of team rocket, maybe something else happened.

What with the fact that all of Red's pokemon had vanished overnight from professor Oak's laboratory, nobody knew what to think. 

Blue had rode around all day on the back of his trusty Pidgeot, flown around Kanto and asked around to see if anyone had seen Red. Everyone had said no.

Slowly but surely those close to Red began to find themselves in a panic. His mother had posted up missing persons posters all over the region. Professor Oak had even asked his acquaintances from other regions if they'd heard anything of the boy.

Blue had found himself in denial. Surely Red was playing a prank on them. Or maybe he'd left to explore a new region. Either way, Blue kept expecting Red to pop back up one of these days, riding back into pallet town on the back of his Charizard, and ask why on earth there were missing persons posters of him everywhere.

But those days turned into months, and months into years. When it became evident that Red's disappearance wasn't some joke or badly timed journey, Blue finally became worried.

He felt like the whole world was dead set on hurting him. Even after Professor Oak and even Red's own mother gave up the search for him, Blue kept on looking.

When it finally came the time to give up, he finally felt the grief he should have felt a long time ago. He finally realized that his rival, his best friend, was never coming back.


	3. Chapter 3

Red stood at the top of Mt. Silver, admiring the long-familiar view.

He had a perfect view of the entire Johto region. In a way, it made him miss Kanto. But at the same time, he was glad that he didn't have to constantly be reminded of the region he left behind. The home he left behind. The people he left behind.

Red shivered, clutching his arms around himself. It was a cold day. Obviously every day on top of the ice mountain was cold, but very rarely did it get cold enough to the point where Red had to break out his light jacket.

But it was one of those days.

After the years spent on top of the mountain, Red had grown accustomed to the freezing temperatures. It was almost always snowing. Always windy. Always cloudy. But Red had never minded.

Over the years, he came to love the mountain that others may have considered to be hell. His Pokémon loved the mountain. 149 of his own Pokémon roamed the mountain freely and happily. It was almost like how they were when they were wild, before Red had captured them.

Red found a sense of tranquility in watching the joy in his Pokémon. Most of the fire types had created their own small hot springs in caves in the mountain, were many water types liked to hang out as well. The grass types explored the thick greenery on many parts of the mountain. The psychic types sometimes meditated alongside Red on top of the mountain. The ghost types had found a home in dark underside of the mountain.

Some of Red's pokemon who were more close to him tended to stick around him. His Charizard slept by him every night. His snorlax, who clearly didn't mind the cold at all, always stayed nearby the cave that Red slept in. His Lapras always loved to go swimming with him in one of the hot springs.

Red loved his Pokémon, and they loved him in return. They were his close friends and family. They never asked anything of him. They never asked for explanations.

Red hadn't spoken a word since he'd left.

He still trained his Pokémon (those who wanted to be trained) by using move commands composed of many intricate hand gestures. For anyone else, they'd be incredibly confusing, but Red's Pokemon always understood exactly what he said.

They were stronger than ever, Red knew that. Surely if he ever chose to climb down from the mountain, he could reclaim his title as champion. Hell, he could probably claim the title in any other region as well.

 _If_ he ever chose to climb down.

Of course, it'd never been an easy decision. To leave behind everything he'd ever known. But, he just needed the... silence.

He wouldn't expect anyone else to understand. After everything that'd happened with Team Rocket, he'd found himself cooped up in his mind far too often. But it wasn't just those thoughts. For all of his life, he was never like anyone else. He himself couldn't have told you why he never spoke. Everything always just felt... too loud. Too complicated. Too dark.

And so he decided to live in isolation on top of a frozen mountain. For the silence. In the cool calmness, he could easily go over every thought in his head. And take as long as he needed. In complete silence.

It wasn't as if he hadn't felt guilty. About leaving his mother. About leaving Blue. Even about leaving professor Oak. But it was something he knew in his heart from the time he was young that he needed. 

He had considered leaving a note when he left, but decided not to. Of course it would be hard on his mom, but she would move on eventually. Blue was the strongest trainer he'd ever known, it wasn't as if he needed Red. His old rival. His best friend...

Red sighed and looked over the mountain top, scanning the icy trail for human inhabitants. Charizard had informed him earlier that it thought it'd seen a trainer scaling the mountain. Even those his Pokémon couldn't speak, he always seemed to know exactly what they meant to communicate.

The phenomenon wasn't all that uncommon. Every once in a while someone would come up, and Red always just hunkered down in his little cave room until they'd left. He trusted his Pokémon to take care of themselves.

Red was snapped out of his thoughts as he heard a loud, roaring sound. The familiar sound of an avalanche. Not all that alarming, it was hardly the first avalanche to happen in all of his years here, but Red stood up anyway. 

He barely was able to turn his head to look at the rapidly falling snow, when he heard an audible human scream erupting amongst the sounds of the avalanche.

He knew that voice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm really sorry this chapter kinda sucks >_<

Blue was closely searching the mountain for Pokemon, and he wasn't finding anything.

Every couple minutes he'd sharply turn his head in the direction of a sound, only to find that the wind had only shaken a nearby tree.

He was about to take a break, to settle down in another mountain cave and have lunch.

But then something caught his eye.

A blur in his peripheral vision. A small, round, and pink Pokémon was tumbling down the mountain. It landed on a small cliff protruding from the side, stopping its fall. There was no telling if it'd been injured. Blue was spared from having to inspect the Pokémon, as seconds after falling it said its own name.

 _"Jigglypuff!"_ the poor thing exclaimed in a squeaky voice, probably from the shock of the fall.

Blue quickly jogged closer, examining the situation.

The pink Pokémon was on a small cliff in the side of the mountain. It wasn't far from Blue, the cliff was diagonal from the part of the path he was on. He could get to it with just a bit of climbing.

It seemed as if the Jigglypuff had fallen from the top edge of the mountain, about 15 feet above it. There were many snow-filled trees at the top, and there was a steep slope dumping over the edge of the mountain. Probably what Jigglypuff had fallen from.

Blue tried to look closer but it was too far away to see well. He wanted to know if it had been injured, but whether it was injured or not it still appeared to be stuck.

Making a split-second decision, Blue started grabbing the side of the mountain, and getting a slippery grip, before slowly climbing over to the Pokémon.

It was difficult to get a proper hold on the mountain wall, there were very little foot and hand holds, and all the ice sure wasn't helping.

When Blue had been younger, he would've done something reckless like this in pure hopes of catching the Pokémon. Back in the days where all that he sought was power. To catch more Pokémon. To win more fights. To finally beat his rival.

But now, he had only one motive; to help the Pokémon. 

Finally reaching the cliffs edge, he grabbed on tightly, pulling himself up. The Jigglypuff looked at him with wide eyes. Luckily, it didn't look seriously injured.

Blue took a relieved breath and crouched down, carefully holding out his hand in offering, trying to look as unthreatening as possible. He gave the Pokémon a gentle smile.

"Hey, it's okay." he said softly. "I'm not gonna hurt you, I just want to help."

The Jigglypuff tried to take a cautious step towards Blue, before falling over into the snow. 

" _Jiggly..."_ it said painfully. It was now clearly visible that it had sustained a bad injury to its leg.

Blue went over the options in his head, realizing that he wouldn't be able to carry Jigglypuff back over to the path. It had been hard enough to climb over by himself the first time.

He wasn't much for capturing accidentally injured Pokémon in the wild. He liked the idea of a fair match, but the Jigglypuff was injured, and he'd need to get it medical attention.

"Hey, I'm really sorry if you don't want to get caught..." Blue said. "But I really need to get you to a Pokémon center. If you want to go back on into the wild after we get your leg healed up, I'll let you. Promise." He finished, sitting on his knees in front of Jigglypuff.

Blue pulled out a poke ball, holding it in front of the scared Pokémon. He pressed the white button and the poke ball opened.

As per usual, the red aura of the ball surrounded the Pokémon. The Jigglypuff looked at Blue with confused eyes as the aura suddenly broke, the poke ball closing again.

Blue was struck with confusion, when that happened, it usually meant the Pokémon already belonged to somebody...

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing sound above them both. Looking up, Blue alarmingly saw that there was snow coming from the slope on the top of the mountain, about to crush the both of them. 

Thinking quickly, Blue scooped up the Pokémon and looked back at the path he had come from. There was some snow falling there was well, but maybe if they could get over there, they could avoid the worst of the avalanche.

There was no time to carefully climb back. Blue made a running start before sprinting off the edge of the small cliff. As they were falling, Blue managed to turn his body so that he was on the bottom, and Jigglypuff on top. He didn't want it to get hurt in the fall.

Less than a second passed before he made hard impact with the freezing ground. The breath was knocked out of him, but not before he managed to let out a pained scream. 

Then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted a new chapter for a while! Unfortunately I've been really busy with school >.< . There will probably be one or two more chapters after this one (hopefully to be released soon), and maybe even a sequel if I feel like it. Anyways, enjoy!
> 
> (p.s., I realize this chapter probably has medical and first aid inaccuracies so please don't hate me if it's completely inaccurate (it probably is))

In a split second Red was on his feet. He whistled loudly, the signal he used to get the attention of his Charizard. In just a few moments, the fire dragon was flying towards him, seeming concerned by the look of panic on Red's face.

As he hopped onto Charizard's back and pointed in the direction of the scream, he felt his heart beating out of his chest. That couldn't possibly be who he thought it was.... could it?

Flying through the air over the mountain, fear overcame him as he searched desperately for the source of the noise, but the overwhelming sound of the avalanche made it hard to find. Until he heard a small, squeaky, but determined voice of a Pokémon coming from below him.

_"Jigglypuff!"_

Looking down, a small pink pokemon came into Red's view, panickedly waving it's small arms.

Ordering Charizard to land near the small Pokémon, Red hops off the it's back before they even touch the ground. At first he doesn't see anything but the scared and slightly snow-covered pokemon.

But then it starts pointing to something in the snow, with wide, tear-filled eyes. Walking closer, Red feels his heart drop into his stomach.

Blue.

The now older, but still very familiar-looking boy was knocked out. Most of his body was covered in snow, leaving not much but his face in view. His skin was alarmingly pale, his body seemingly motionless. His mouth was slightly open and his lips and eyelids were blue.

Full of fear and disbelief, Red reaches out a shaking hand and presses it to Blue's cold neck, desperate to hear a heartbeat.

He holds it there for about a minute, feeling no pulse. Red's breathing becoming shallower and and his heart rate increasing by the second. The cold winds howl around him, the distant sound of the avalanche still roaring. It all feels like it's mocking him.

_No no no no no_

  
Holding his breath, Red is about to give up when finally he feels the small flutter of a pulse underneath his fingertips. Tears spill from his eyes with pure relief and he let's out a shaky breath that sounds more like a sob.

Blue was alive.

 

The sudden realization is enough to shock him back into action. Blue is alive now, but won't be for much longer if he doesn't get warmed up.

Hurriedly brushing snow off of Blue's unconscious body, Red lifts him up and desperately pulls his body against his own for just a moment, allowing himself to relish in the relief for just a moment.

Red may have left years ago, but in all truth, he may as well have left a piece of himself behind with his old rival. He had never stopped thinking of him, though he tried to pretend he didn't.

Looking up, Red gestures for his Charizard to take Blue from his arms. The Pokémon complies, taking in its own shocking recognition of the unconscious trainer.

Turning Red's attention to his Jigglypuff, he had almost forgotten it was there. It looks almost as relieved as Red. The small Pokémon had saved Blues life, and Red would always be grateful for that.

  
Noticing the Jigglypuffs injury, Red gently lifts it up into his arms before climbing on Charizard's back (he keeps most of his Pokémon's poke balls in his cave). He wishes he could have held onto Blue whilst riding the Pokémon, but that's impractical.

Charizard holding a dead-looking Blue and Red cradling the exhausted and injured Jigglypuff, the four take lift off from the ground and start to fly. Charizard knows exactly where to go, flying quickly in the direction of Red’s 'home' of sorts.

After a few minutes of flight, they land and Red slides gracefully off of Charizard’s back. Red takes Blue back into his own arms, and he orders Charizard to take the Jigglypuff to the mountain's 'Pokémon Center' of sorts. A cave lower down on the mountain but while hidden with several Chansey and Happiny that care for the mountain's Pokémon whenever they get injured. Red has no doubt the tiny Pokémon will make a full recovery.

Right now his whole mind is set on the boy in his arms. Luckily, being cradled against Charizard’s body for a few minutes brought a bit of color back into his skin, though not nearly enough.

Red carries Blue inside his 'home'; a cave in the side of the peak of the mountain equipped with the essentials for a human to live. A makeshift bed with a pillow and blankets, a small pond feeding from one of the mountain's many hot springs in the corner (his supply of hot water), and a small stash of food and herbs grown from the mountain.

It wasn't much; Red knew. But he didn't need much, he was perfectly happy with how he lived.

Red gently sets Blue down on the bed. Blue's clothes are completely soaked with freezing water; they're making his condition much worse, not allowing his body to warm up.

After a seconds hesitation, Red grabs a small worn dagger that he usually uses for cutting plants, and begins carefully slicing through Blue's parka (pretty much doing the opposite of it's job now), his t-shirt, and his equally soaked jeans.

Red blushes a bit when he comes down to his boxers. He leaves them on; they're not all that wet, and, well, for privacy's sake. Though Red couldn't possibly imagine Blue of all people being shy.

He immediately starts piling blankets on top of Blue, tucking him in as much as possible, trying to lock in body heat. Grabbing a rag, he soaks it with warm water from the hot spring and promptly places it on Blue's forehead.

Red quietly wishes Blue was awake to drink something hot and warm up the inside of his body.

Almost instantaneously, color starts to flood back through his body; his skin turns back to pale-but-not-deadly color, his lips turn pink again, and his pulse gets stronger. Red lets out yet another sigh of relief. It looks like Blue will be okay.

With all the adrenaline finally wearing off, Red finally realizes that _holy shit_ , Blue is here, and he's not going to die, and they are definitely gonna have to talk.

 

Red had always thought that one day he would go back. He never liked to think that he would never see his loved ones again. And he truly believes that eventually he would have gone home, when he was ready.

But this was sprung on him out of nowhere. And he knows that Blue is going to demand some sort of explanation; one Red isn't sure he could give. Even worse, he'll likely try and convince Red to come back home.

Red stares at Blue for a moment. Of course he always remembered his face. Blue always had such delicate features and wide blue eyes (so blue he's living up to the name) accompanied by a slim, almost feminine body frame. He was so damn hard to hate.

Don't get him wrong, Red knew first hand that Blue was an extremely tough trainer. And he was hardly innocent or naive. Hell, he was so cocky and rude a lot of the time you'd think you'd dislike him instantly.

But there was something about him. Even when he was rudely interrupting you or challenging you to a battle, there was something about him that made you want to always be around him. A sort of passion and liveliness.

He always had pure intentions, no matter what. You could never doubt he was a good person. Blue may be rude and closed off most of the time, but Red knew him well.

He was the most sensitive and kind person Red knew. The kind of person you could always rely on, even when he acted like he hated you.

When Red had defeated Blue and taken the champions spot, he almost immediately wanted to give it back. The absolute crushed look on Blue's face made Red feel about the same way.

  
It truly was impossible to hate the young trainer laying in front of Red (as much as Red may try).

 

Feeling an almost gravitational pull towards him, Red leaned forward, taking Blues hand in his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated, thanks!
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. apparently 'writing gay Pokémon fanfiction' is not a good excuse to get out of things. But hey I tried


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering, I do not have an excuse as to why it took so long to post this chapter.
> 
> I would like to sincerely apologize for the wait, though. Plus the short length of this chapter. I do feel guilty for practically abandoning this work for months, and I kinda felt like I would never get around to finishing it.
> 
> On the bright side, though, I only plan to write one more chapter of this, so hopefully I'll actually get around to writing it before the end of this year.
> 
> Anyway, I'd like to thank you guys seriously for the amount of support you've been giving me with this fanfiction. Your nice comments really mean a lot to me, especially since I tend to get self conscious about my writing a lot. So thank you so much. ❤️

Blue awoke to a strong scent hitting his nostrils.

It was bitter but sweet, like tea. It reminded him vaguely of some kind of herb that grew in the fields around Viridian.

His body felt warm but cold at the same time. He felt blankets wrapped around his body, his skin was hot but his insides felt frozen. His throat and mouth were so dry it almost hurt to exhale. He couldn't see much light past his eyelids.

Prying his eyes open took effort. Once his vision was clear, he found he was looking at the ceiling of a cave.

Blue could barely remember what last happened to him. He vaguely remembered a loud roaring sound... an avalanche, he reminded himself. The injured Jigglypuff. Blue hoped it was alright.

The real question was: how did he get here? He couldn't recall managing to crawl into a cave. He didn't think there was anyone else on the icy mountain to help him. Hardly anyone was dumb enough to climb up as far as he had.

His neck ached as he turned his head to the right. His vision was still a bit blurry, but he could make out a human shape, hunched over a pot over a small fire.

The only distinction Blue could make out was that the figure was wearing a baseball cap.

Who was that? Had they saved him from the avalanche?

The figure finally seemed to realize Blue was awake. It jumped a bit, probably because Blue was staring at it. It began to approach him.

Blue felt his heart stop beating.

 

The first thing Blue noticed was the boy's eyes. A bright, fiery red, just like his name. He wore the same beat up hat as always and a similar jacket to the one he had gone on his Pokémon journey with.

Red's expression was unreadable, he stared back at Blue with intense eyes.

Blue considered for a moment that maybe he'd died. They'd all thought, though they tried not to, that Red was probably dead. It made sense that the first face Blue would see upon his death was that of his old friend. He certainly thought Red looked like an angel.

That was ridiculous, though. But who was he to judge what the afterlife looked like? If it wanted to be an old, icy cave, it could be.

Blue had about a billion questions, and he was stunned into silence. His body wanted nothing more than to launch itself into Red's arms.

He only managed to squeeze one word out.

"....Red?"

 

Red looked down at his feet. Without meeting Blue's eyes again, he removed a damp rag from Blue’s forehead that Blue hadn't even realized was there. Red walked into the corner of the small cave and dipped it into a steaming pool of water. He walked back and placed the newly wet rag back into place on his forehead. It was steaming hot and felt good on his frozen body.

That… wasn't much of a greeting. Red had never been good with words, obviously, but Blue had expected something. A wave maybe, a ‘long time no see’ written with a stick on the cave wall, an explanation. But no. Blue only felt even more puzzled when Red turned his back and went back to the pot boiling over the fire.

Blue stared in a fuzzy fascination as Red retrieved a mug from a small wooden cupboard against the wall of the cave and filled it with whatever substance was inside the pot.

Blue barely managed to muster enough strength to lift himself onto his elbows, then lay himself in a sitting position against the cold wall of the cave. Red approached him, and with unreadable eyes silently held the steaming mug out to Blue.

The dryness and pain in his throat only seemed to intensify at the sight. He ached to be able to actually say something to his old friend. Unlike Red, he was not used to being silent. So he reached out to take the drink with shaking hands.

The mug shook in his hands rapidly, spilling some of the hot liquid onto the mountain of blankets on top of him. Seeing this, Red placed his own hands on top of Blue’s, steadying the cup. He gently pressed the mug to Blue’s lips.

The shock of the physical contact with Red felt in itself so utterly relieving. That Red was there, with him. He had spent so much time terrified that he'd never see him again.

The liquid was a sort of tea, more sweet than bitter. As Blue swallowed it, his insides felt like they were defrosting and the pain in his throat eased. He drained about three fourths of the cup before forcing his own hand and Red’s to set it down.

There were so many things he wanted to say. Part of him wanted to make some kind of joke or sarcastic comment to ease the tension. Another part wanted to give Red a piece of his mind for disappearing and scaring him so much. Another part wanted to spill out all of the feelings that he discovered within himself, only to be uncovered after Red’s disappearance. A small part of him even wanted to burst into tears. But when he opened his mouth to speak, only one sentence came out. The simple question he'd been asking himself since he woke up.

“...Am I dead?”

Red looked surprised, and stared at Blue with wide eyes for a moment before relaxing and shaking his head, a small amused smile on his face.

He wasn't dead. Red wasn't dead. This wasn't some weird form of afterlife. Instead of relieving the weight on his chest, this only made it heavier.

Blue didn't even need to say anything. The abundance of emotion in his eyes spoke for him, asking the question that Red had been fearing.


	7. Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in the last chapter note I said I'd try to get this chapter up before the end of 2017 lmao. But hey, at least I got it up before March (barely). On the bright side, this is the final chapter so at least I won't be late on writing these from here on out. 
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoyed this fanfiction, your kudos and comments really do mean the world to me and I actually am sorry for taking so long inbetween chapters. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. I'm really bad at writing dialogue please forgive me.

Red was at even more of a loss for words than he usually was.

He'd known, of course, that when Blue finally awoke he’d want to know _why_ Red had left. Why he’d willingly chosen to abandon his friends and family. And for that Red didn’t have an answer, not one that he could rationalize into words that would make Blue understand.

But the younger boy was staring at him with a million emotions in his eyes; most of all, expectation. Which was what Red hated the most.

When they had been younger, it seemed Blue always knew what Red was thinking. But that sense of connection weakened as they both grew older. When they had last seen each other, Blue had seemed as if he'd hated Red. Maybe it was that that soothed Red’s guilt just a bit after he’d left.

For once, though, Blue had no idea what Red was thinking. For once Red’s actions seemed like a foreign language to him. Red supposed he could lie, come up with some excuse for what he’d done, but when Red considered lying to his old rival, it felt as if there were a dark knot growing in the pit of his stomach. No, he’d have to tell the truth.

  
“Blue,” Red finally spoke, clearly meaning to continue the sentence but his throat had become overwhelmed by that one word after years of unuse. His voice was hoarse and shaky, and the unfamiliar sensation of speech felt strangely alien to him. His vocal cords were resisting his attempts to speak, feeling tight in his throat. But now, as he had been many years ago, Red was determined. He cleared his throat to the best of his ability.

“I’ve been here. All these years. I’ve been here.” Red could have started with an explanation or excuse, but decided it was pointless. This was what Blue wanted to know right now; the truth, plain and simple.

The surprise in Blue’s eyes was less prominent than Red had expected. He wore the weary gaze of someone who wasn’t quite sure if they were dreaming or not.

“Why?” Blue asked in an almost-monotone voice. His expression was beginning to shift. He stood up, finally, wobbling a bit on his feet as he did so, and stepped closer to Red.

Words, obviously, weren't something Red was good at. There was no way he could explain to Blue why he had chosen to take up residence on a frozen mountain. He couldn’t really explain it to himself. Only one reason was in his mind.

“I just- I needed to come here. To be alone. I’m sorry.” Red’s voice grew weaker at the end of the sentence, barely squeaking out the apology. He knew what Blue had been hoping; that Red had come up for any other reason than of his free will. That he hadn’t chosen to abandon his life. But Red couldn’t tell him that, because it wasn’t the truth.

Red had sounded desperate. And Blue now sounded furious, his expression slowly moving to match his tone.

“You just _left_?” His voice cracked on the word ‘left’, and his fiery eyes were glassy. He looked hurt; he clearly was trying to cover it up with anger, but it wasn’t working. Blue always had been extremely transparent in his emotions.

Red was silent. He could feel tears welling up in his own eyes as well. Tears of guilt, of sadness, and of shame. He hadn’t realized how much he had hurt Blue. Blue took a couple more steps toward Red, until they were only inches apart and could feel each other's body heat.

Red stared at his feet as Blue continued.

“I thought- I thought-” he sounded broken, and as Red looked up he realized with surprise that Blue was no longer trying to hide his emotions. Tears had fallen onto his flushed-red cheeks, and as his clear blue beautiful eyes met Red’s, they filled with genuine rage, mixed with the hurt.

“Don’t we _matter_ to you?” He practically snarled in a shaking voice. “Your mom was heartbroken when you left. Even my grandpa was devastated. And I-,” he stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. _For once_ , Red thought, _Blue looked small and scared and utterly_ destroyed.

“Don’t I _matter_ to y-” Blue’s breathless words were cut off by Red taking the last step forward, unable to hold himself back any longer, and pressing his own lips to Blue’s.

It was all that Red could say. It was a kiss that contained no words and yet a billion all at once. It was an explanation, an apology, and a confession.

Overall, it was a kiss that said _of course you matter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it! So quick note, when I was writing this last scene I actually completely forgot that Red had stripped Blue down to his boxers. I was going to change or acknowledge it somehow, but then I realized that imagining Blue in this scene mostly naked makes it just as good IF NOT better. Enjoy imagining whatever happened after the kiss ;). 
> 
> Also, I might write a one-shot continuation to this fic if you guys want it. Let me know.


End file.
